Foreword Clarion Review of For Once in My Life

For Once in My Life is Rob Cole’s insightful biography of dancer Arlinda Willis.

Willis grew up in rural Alabama in the midst of the civil rights movement. She attended high school in Cleveland, established a career as a dancer, and also pursued success in the corporate realm. Cole is a friend of his subject’s; he met her when they worked for the same firm in San Francisco. She and Cole even took turns caring for one another at points: Willis nursed Cole back to health after muggings; Cole accompanied Willis through addiction and cancer.

There’s an anecdotal quality to the narration, which includes memories as of Willis’s taciturn uncle, her early years in Alabama away from her mother in Cleveland, and instances in which she drank to excess. However, these tales are shared at a bit of an emotional remove. Elsewhere, self-deprecating comments undercut Willis’s memories of the stomach pain she felt during her solo world travels and her pursuit of a new career after the 2008 financial crisis.

The book’s chapter titles are song titles, embedding the narration in a larger cultural story. They also foreground Willis’s musical tastes and the interests that shaped her life. Still, despite its overall range of topics, WIllis’s cancer dominates much of the text, which travels back and forth in time to put those experiences into perspective:

Perhaps victory was not about overcoming obstacles or fighting cancer tooth and nail. It might encompass facing it with grace. Perhaps success lies in acceptance. In confronting cancer not as a battle to win, but as a challenge to meet with peace.

Its approach is self-referential, appealing to Cole and Willis’s conversations, and often impressionistic, working to understand Willis’s worsening health and how it relates to her previous fame and vitality. Still, the book’s coverage of Willis’s stage performances is sparing. By the end, scenes of Willis and Cole, along with other family members, in hospitals and hospice supersede memories of her triumphs.

Because of Willis’s reserve, conversations with her family members and friends are used to flesh out a sense of who she was. They recall her as vibrant and sometimes fiery; unresolved conflicts are hinted at too. Coverage of her encounters with insurance and hospital personnel distract from this portrait with suggestions of how inhumane healthcare can be, though.

An admiration-filled biography of a performer and a friend, For Once in My Life is about shared struggles and formative relationships.

I expected a more astute analysis from Foreword Clarion Reviews. Alas, Mari Carlson was assigned to the task of writing up this document. Here goes my response to Carlson's misunderstandings of the book:

1. Willis’s taciturn uncle
   If Carlson bothered to read the chapter, "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen," she would choose a different adjective to describe him. "Taciturn" might describe his nature in the chapter, "Follow the Drinking Gourd," but I am curious how she perceived Arlinda's reaction to him in the car. Would Carlson not wonder why Arlinda is so frightened of him, and flick back a couple of chapters to remind herself of his deplorable actions that Carlson forgot?
2. these tales are shared at a bit of an emotional remove
   What Carlson describes as a negative, I take great pride in having worked hard to deliver the dissociation around Arlinda's abuse, and her response and lack of response to it, both in the moment and decades later.
3. self-deprecating comments undercut Willis’s memories
   Life is messy. Emotions are messy. Arlinda and I expressed our grief to each other through laughter. There is a reason sobs and smiles produce tears: they are two sides of the same coin.
4. the book’s coverage of Willis’s stage performances is sparing
   Arlinda's professional life spanned less than 10 years. As titillating as fame is to document, there was much more to Arlinda that we wanted to explore. The American apartheid/Jim Crow racism began her life, and was bookended by systemic medical racism at the end of her life.
5. her encounters with insurance and hospital personnel distract from this portrait
   Arlinda's life was filtered through racism, sexism, classism. These incidents perfectly portray the dehumanization of people in their care. This is the story, not a distraction from it.