BlueInk Review of For Once in My Life

Author Rob Cole’s tribute to a beloved friend is a tender accolade and a thoughtful reflection on the forces that shape a life.

The book opens with Arlinda Willis, an older black woman, meeting the younger, white, British author when he joins the San Francisco law firm where she works as a secretary. This begins an 18-year friendship founded on shared lunches that expands to Cole’s support of Arlinda during her battle with esophageal cancer.

Interspersed with scenes of her diagnosis and decline are flashbacks in which Cole imagines Arlinda’s childhood in segregated Alabama and her teenage years during the Civil Rights era in Ohio. Throughout, Cole soberly reflects on the abuse and systemic racism Arlinda encountered, but also her successes in work and travel.

The book displays Cole’s careful historical research and heartfelt labor, with considered, sometimes grand prose. Arlinda emerges as a spirited, determined woman with a vulnerable core beneath her sassy veneer. While certain details are unique, like her time as a dancer on the variety show Upbeat, much of the book chronicles Arlinda’s cancer journey, which is all-too- familiar territory.

Certain narrative choices impede the sense of a coherent whole. Characters enter and depart without context, leaving confusion around Arlinda’s family structure and supportive relationships. Cole’s choice to alternate flashbacks of a younger Arlinda with scenes of her adult life breaks up the arc of their developing relationship, fragmenting the book’s emotional and narrative backbone. And the author’s decision to treat himself as a character proves a self-conscious move, drawing attention away from Arlinda.

The book finds its real footing in the fluency and poignancy of the final chapters, when Cole turns to his own memoir and the story becomes what it wanted to be all along: one man’s journey through unexpected love and grief. While the book is an uneven meshing of points of view, the sincerity of emotion, careful prose, and thoughtful reflection on the value of human relationship appeal.

I appreciate Patty Moosbrugger's review of the book. The praise and criticism are all fair. I do want to correct a few of Patty's statements so it does not mislead the reader:

1. "flashbacks in which Cole imagines Arlinda’s childhood"
   The flashbacks of Arlinda's childhood were told to me by Arlinda herself. I took her anecdotes, fleshed them out into more complete scenes, then read them back to her for her approval.
2. "Characters enter and depart without context"
   True, the characters who depart and return are minor characters in the telling of Arlinda's narrative. From 2011-12, Arlinda shut herself off from most of the world, as she focused on getting an education and fighting cancer.
3. "breaks up the arc of their developing relationship, fragmenting the book’s emotional and narrative backbone"
   Alternating chapters between a character's past and their present timeline is a common technique to relate a story. It increases the tension and is an opportunity to connect events in the past with the present.
4. "the author’s decision to treat himself as a character proves a self-conscious move, drawing attention away from Arlinda"
   I fought long and hard about how much of myself I should include in the telling of Arlinda's story. The earlier versions had a lot less of myself and my thoughts. However, once the medical racism aspect became apparent to me, it was an opportunity to address Arlinda's experience of racism with my White-informed observations and reactions.
5. "the book is an uneven meshing of points of view"
   Yes, I could have done better to immerse the reader in the two points of view. My next attempt will no doubt be more polished.